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The Human Condition

"Now I'm not saying that my heart's not in it
But I could use a new, could use a new beginning" -Fighting a Ghost, Matt Hires




June 2015. 

That's the last time I updated this blog. 

I do enjoy keeping this blog going. It gives me these funny little glimpses into past selves. Past versions of a me that never quite finished manifesting. 

It's June 2017 as I'm writing this. I will continue saying this until the day I die, but it is always interesting how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

This blog has become such a pool of cliche's. "Oh how much things have changed since my last update."   "I have learned so much about life and love and blah blah blah..."

All of those things are true though.

Things have changed. I'm different. Better, I hope. But certainly a more run-down, raw version of the person you can find in past pages of this blog.

Deep breath. Dive in.

In the last post I published I was still dating Cas and had…
Recent posts

Putting things down on Paper

"I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much." - Sandra Cisneros



I used to write a lot. Pour my soul our over parchment or find serenity in the quiet click clack of the key board in late hours of the night. 
People grow and change and I am no exception to that I suppose. I guess I spend so much time sharing the details of my life with my delightful spouse that it feels redundant to spill them out on a page too. 

I feel like I'm in an odd transitional state. I've physically moved half-way across the country. I've got Knight by my side along with the new faces of Scout, Harley Quinn, and Tali'Zorah. I have this wonderful family here and many, many friends. But I'm still getting away from old patterns of thought. 

That being said, life is wonderful. I'm laughing and learning. Learning more about life, and behavior analysis, and most importantly, more about myself. 

I continue to struggle to find balance. I just feel like I'm jugg…

What are updates?

Haha, so my plans on doing weekly updates crashed and burned spectacularly. I have a lot of huge updates, so buckle up for a very long post. None of that "I'll add more posts later!!" nonsense this time around. Let's be honest, never once have I actually come back and added the updates I was planning on updating.

So, this semester has had a lot of ups and downs. I didn't come out of my semester with the stellar 4.0 that I was hoping for, but I'm here, alive and well, and moving forward. Last semester really messed up my attitude about school. I'm trying to find a healthy balance between caring about doing well, while not letting my success/lack of success define my worth. It's a weird place to be. I had been doing very well the college year leading up to last fall, so I feel a little sad.  I had to trade in pride in grades for smaller goals like, "get out of bed and go to campus today". Things that felt monumental at the time.

Enough about t…

Goals for the Semester

I'm trying to get back into the swing of blogging again. I've fallen into some bad habits with writing (I say "so" a lot. "so excited" "so pleased"....), maybe doing more will cure some of those annoying habits. 
I scraped together some cash to sing up for a "Body Awareness through Targeting" class through the Fenzi academy. The goal is to kick my ass in gear training things that are less sport focused for a little while. I need to up my trick game and sharpen my training skills.

Ideally, I will be posting weekly updates on how training for that class is going with both boys. 
Time to get the ball rolling on some things! Other goals for the semester involve more mundane things like making Dean's list, cleaning up Knight's contacts, and get out there and improve my running pace!

Let's do this. Spring 2015. Bring. It. On. 


Classes have started. I am thrilled to say that they are everything I've been looking for. My Behavior Analysis professors probably think I'm insane.

There I am, sitting in the front row, with this wide, stupid grin across my face. When they casually mention that UNT is one of the only schools to offer an extensive ABA program for undergad studies I can't help but glance around the room wildly. Are you hearing this? This is so true fellow students, this isn't anywhere else. We are so lucky.

I still have to take a few gen eds to do (Thank you Texas requirements for American Gov and History), but the majority of my classes are in Behavior Analysis which is so so wonderful.

Now that 2 weeks have passed, I've started to feel more settled in here. I'm working and learning and playing with my wonderful dogs.

I am in a much better place mentally than I was last semester. I'm here, learning something I care so much about. I get to live on a gorgeous property with …

A New Chapter

2015 is going to be a year of growing.

I'm chasing my dreams, but left my heart in the dust. And I miss her terribly.

So I'm trying to keep my head up, no matter how heavy my heart is.

I'm taking time to walk more, listen more, take chances, and let things go.

This will be the semester of early mornings and weekends off. The semester of new faces in a new state. The semester of counting days until I can see my gorgeous girl again.

I'm not very okay, but I will be. I got this.


Accomplished

It's been an embarrassingly long time since I posted any content on here. There are lots of stories to share since my post before Nationals. They certainly deserve their own posts, I just haven't had the heart or drive or post them. So they will continue to be stories for another day.

Today I want to focus on one story in particular that isn't too far overdue. Knight, my wonderful little-man, finished his PACH!!!




















He did this the weekend before he turned 5 years old. Just over a year and a half after I switched him down to 4".

October 2011, Knight just gave up at a trial. Maybe the grass upset him, maybe he wasn't feeling well, I'll never know the reason why exactly. But there I was, with this brilliant young dog who no longer had joy in his eyes when we went to trials.

I remember the day before he earned his OAJ. We NQ'd in jumpers because I was doing everything I could to get him faster than a walk. We ran around 80% of the jumps on that course, but I did…