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The Human Condition

"Now I'm not saying that my heart's not in it
But I could use a new, could use a new beginning" -Fighting a Ghost, Matt Hires




June 2015. 

That's the last time I updated this blog. 


I do enjoy keeping this blog going. It gives me these funny little glimpses into past selves. Past versions of a me that never quite finished manifesting. 


It's June 2017 as I'm writing this. I will continue saying this until the day I die, but it is always interesting how much has changed and how much has stayed the same.

This blog has become such a pool of cliche's. "Oh how much things have changed since my last update."   "I have learned so much about life and love and blah blah blah..."

All of those things are true though.

Things have changed. I'm different. Better, I hope. But certainly a more run-down, raw version of the person you can find in past pages of this blog.

Deep breath. Dive in.

In the last post I published I was still dating Cas and had just started raising Tali'Zorah for them.  We are not longer together, Cas and I. Have not been for a solid year and a half  now.

I won't waste words on it anymore. It was, in my eyes, very sudden, but by god has it been for the best.

A weight is gone that I didn't know was there. I carry different weights now, you know me, I always do.

As with every post I publish here it seems, my crew of dogs has changed yet again.

These days I run with 3 Papillons: Scout, Harley Quinn, and Renegade. But wait, there's more- I picked up what I lovingly call a "Shlab". Hawke is my service dog and Obedience buddy.



It has been a long two years, but I've finally, really truly, found my love of dog sports again. I've started to surround myself with better people- a few are those very same that I considered family two years ago- others are new additions -and others yet have come to show colors that clashed terribly with mine.

I'm finding my stride. Quite literally.


2016 was a year of saving lives. Many dogs, a friend, and my own.

I have a lot more scars and a few more tattoos. I'm still at war with my mental illness, coping better, thriving even, some days. Ghosts still taunt me and echo so I paid an artist to carve some strength into my skin.

Be Strong.

Made it this far.

Onward.

Because of it all. In spite of it all.
-i am here.

I just chose to start carrying my courage with me.

So, here I am. Changed and the same. The Human condition at it's finest I suppose.

I'm braver. Stronger. More Reckless. Certainly more foolhardy.

More change is coming. It has to.

I refuse to remain static.


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